Sunday, February 28, 2010

Week of 22nd

My week has been petty much in the norm for me.
I went to my networking group Thrusday night. I was greated by our leader Mark and was able to ask him some questions that had been troubling me.
I got my hair cut, and conversation with hair styles was very invergratering, Her father is full blooded Black Hawk Indian. She has been married 11 years and want to have a baby.
Saturday was spent talking with Autumn. A little over an hour in the am and over 1 1/2
hours in the pm.
Today I went to church, this was my first time at this church. I liked the people and Pastor Mark was teaching. Looking a the schedule I think there will be some programs I will be interresting in. Time will tell.


cycle of life

Page Jessie Loxley
12 years ago our grnaddaughter broung home a tiny, litter of the pack puppy. When larry saw her he knew we were in for a ride. I was off to wal mark for the necessary supplies. We needed a name. Two little girls in our life one was named page, and the other was jessie, loxley was just a girls name. so we called her pj loxley. some called her pj me encluded and others called her loxley. She was the bully of the condo conplex where we lived and we knew she needed a place to roam yet be protected. The perfect place became available and she went to live with Larry's mother.
She had a fenced in yard and she could run and chase whatever and was very happy there. Larry's moter died around 3 years ago, and pj came to live with us. This has not been the best place for her as she was in all the time. She was a terrie and they are very active dogs.
She has been sick, very sick for the last month are longer. The last few days she had lost controll of her body fluids. Larry told me this morning if she was not better tomorrow he was taking her to the Vet, and let them send her to dog heaven.
Today she lost all controll and was using our house as a bathroom, she could not help it, but all controll was gone. When I go home from church Larry was here keeping close watch on her.
She was in her bed and seemed to be okay. Around 2pm Larry went to check on her, he let out a dad gum it, real loud, I knew something was very wrong. Larry said, "Call the Vet, it is time."
We carried her to the dog hospital, she was laying lifeless with her tongue hanging out.
Larry passed her to the dr while I filled out the necessary paper work.
She was 12 years 14 days young. I don't know how you believe, but I believe if we ask God he will give us our anamils in heaven. Yes, I believe there will be animals in heaven. No dogs are not immortal, but some how God will allow us to have a dog with the same mannerism, looks and
love as the ones we have down here.
I just wanted to write this in honor of our PJ


Wednesday, February 24, 2010

What would your sign say?

My name is suppose to be at the bottom of this post. When I copyed this oh, well you see where it is

The police have a mechanism for checking how fast people drive by using something called a radar speed sign - a sign that flashes your speed as you drive by. I was driving down a neighborhood street when I came upon one of these signs. What would I see if the sign didn't flash my speed, it flashed my thoughts - the actual thoughts I was thinking in that very moment. I was so amazed by this thought, what if others could see my thoughts, thoughts.

What life would be like if each of us had a flashing "thought meter" on our street. Just imagine. Each day, as I traveled to work or to and from errands, I would be able to catch a glimpse of what I was thinking. As I consider this idea, what thoughts would I see on most days? Would a majority of them be positive, life-enhancing thoughts, or worrisome ones that steal my energy?Lately I have found myself in the latter category, I refuse to be alarmed. The truth is most people live with a majority of less-than-desirable thoughts running around in their heads. I however am not most people I will not beat myself up, I will slow down and focus on getting a better reading on the meter :). This plan begins with awareness. I have had awareness take hold of me by setting my intent on the 30 day challenge of fasting from negative thoughts about myself and others. Oh! the monsters that have come out of the closet!

So today I am bragging:
I am happy
I deserve it
I am worth it
I'm committed to loving me
When I honor myself the world shifts around me
I am brilliant
A am proud
I am sexy
I am allowed to use my power to shine
to attract my greatness

To spend time with Autumn
For Mark's court case to be put off
To move back to my home
To loose 20#
Mills to be healed
Peace for Electra and her husband
PJ (our dog) to have an easy transition to dog heaven

Living with purpose,

Sister Goddess Ju-i-lous

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


Just random thoughts today.
Today is day 5 of my 30 day challenge from doubt, fear, critism (sp)
I have been to the Chiropractor today and all went well. I talked to Bonnie about her observation of Mother. She said, "She had never seen someone just set and stare like she was doing, and not able to engage her in conversation."
I know I had a good weekend with her. She really doesn't want the baby sister to come see her because as she said, "She doesn't want to come and I don't want her too." Her words not mine.
The other sister has scolded her so much that she really does not want her to come either.
Strange, I am the one she hurt the most in life, and now I am the one she wants to stay with her. She begs me not to leave, and she will exercise with me when I am there. This is all a mystery to me.
I have been able to stay with my challenge today. I am dancing in the rain, but keeping my shirt dry. There is so much to muse over, and I am thankful today that I do have the ability to think and reason things out.


Thursday, February 11, 2010

If Evil breads evil does Love bread love?

“May the Lord judge between you and me. And may the Lord avenge the wrongs you have done to me, but my hand will not touch you. As the old saying goes, ‘From evildoers come evil deeds,’ so my hand will not touch you.”
I Samuel 24: 12, 13


“Evil Breeds Evil”

“In all men (and women) is evil sleeping; the good man (or woman) is he (she) who will not awaken it, in himself (herself) or in others.”
Mary Renault

Has someone done something evil that has caused great hurt to me or those I care about?

How did I respond to the act committed against me?

“The smallest revenge will poison the soul.”


“Revenge is an inhuman word.”

In his famous novel, Moby Dick, written in 1851, author Herman Melville wrote these words which reflect a great truth, “Ah, God! What trances of torments does that man endure who is consumed with one unachieved revengeful desire.” I don’t know if the author of these words had read the Psalms or for that matter, the Biblical account of David’s life, however, if he had, I certainly think he could have come to the same conclusion as David. Revenge is for fools. As author Francis Bacon so aptly penned, “A man that studieth revenge keeps his wound green” and I’d add that this sentiment applies directly to women, as well.

After all David had suffered at the hand of King Saul, when given the opportunity to take events into his own hands and get back at the king, in the most eloquent words, David looked Saul in the eye and told him, “I will not touch you.”

But this wasn’t all David said to Saul. He also informed Saul that the judging would be left to God. A lesson you and I need to be reminded of frequently. We don’t know all the facts or circumstances surrounding events and individuals. For us to think we have all the knowledge needed in a given situation to render our judgment perfect and unerring is both ridiculous and arrogant.

With this fact deeply engrained in his mind, David told Saul that God, who knows all, would be the final judge.

And then David continued with one last thought. The Message Bible states the phrase in
I Samuel 24: 13 this way: “Evil deeds come from evil people.” In other words, revengeful deeds also come from revengeful people. Hurtful acts committed against one person are done so by hurtful people.

The way Jesus translated this text in the New Testament is simply this: “Therefore by their fruits ye shall know them” (Matthew 7: 20).

It’s so easy in the world in which we live to want to get even with someone who does evil to us. If a Saul chases us, falsely accuses us and lashes out at us, we long to set the record straight. We want to balance the scales. And much of the time there’s good reason for wanting to get even. But as we seek to take vengeance into our own hands, we only wound ourselves more. In fact, the evil we direct at others leaves a scar on our own lives.

Not long ago I read a beautiful little prayer written by an unknown author. The words of this prayer are a true reflection of David’s words to Saul, “I will not lay a hand on you.”

“Anything, God, but hate;
I have known it in my day,
And the best it does is scar your soul
And eat your heart away.
Man must know more than hate,
As the years go rolling on;
For the stars survive and the spring survives,
Only man denies the dawn.
God, if I have but one prayer
Before the cloud-wrapped end,
I’m sick of hate and the waste it makes.
Let me be my brother’s friend.”

“The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.”
John E. Southard


“Despise Not Any Man That Lives”

“Despise not any man that lives,
Alien or neighbor, near or far;
Go out beneath the scornful stars,
And see how very small you are.
The world is large, and space is high
That sweeps around our little ken;
But there’s no space or time to spare
In which to hate our fellow men.
And this, my friend, is not the work for you;
Then leave all this for smaller men to do.”

Walter Foss


Birthday wishes for Debra Feb 11, 2010

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Today is Debra's birthday

I thought all my friends will join me *n wishing her a happy


I remember mother going to the hospital to have her. She was the first of my sister to be born in a hospital. Debra is 10 years younger than me. Little did I know this little baby would become a very important part of my life. Not only is she my sister, but I was the one to care for her. She called me mother and I was the one to carry her when we went shopping. I would have ladies come up to me and ask if I was her mother. Yes, in more ways that one I have been her mother.

She is now the grandmother of 3 little girls.

She has a full time job, and enjoys motor cycle riding and fishing.

So Happy "52"

She has not called me today, I am waiting to call her because I had her Birthday present sent in to her via UPS, and do not want to spoil the supprise.

Thank you, SF Bath Salt Company


Monday, February 8, 2010

Fun in the Sun

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I am ready for warmer weather. Sleeting and snowing for Thursday and Snow for Friday.

I am ready for things to warm up. I am already obsessing about the weather next month when I go to NYC...... Whe need things to warm up


Sunday, February 7, 2010

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Saturday, February 6, 2010

My First Mermory

My First Memory

I was in the yard drawing in the dirt, when my mother called to me from the poarch.

Mother said to me, "What would you say, it I told you you will be having a little brother or sister?"

I do not remember what I said, but I think I said, "I wanted a little sister." I do not know why this is my first memory. I do have someone memories of looking at my hand and feet prints in the cement walkway. I can remember skipping around and just doing nothing. My next memory was the night my sister was born. Henry and Avis our neighbors came to see us, and I thought nothing about it, and did not know Avis was a midwife. I was setting in the front room on the setee with Henry, I do not know what we were talking about, but I told him I had something to show him, jumped up and he stopped me and said I could not go to my part of the house because my sister was being born.

We lived in the house with my Daddy's parents. The house had two large rooms across the front and there were two large rooms across the back. They were built so the house was in an L shape. There was a porch that we along the front of the house. The first large room was Ma's kitchen, there was a wood stove for cooking and a long table for her large # of boys to eat at. The next room was their setting and sleeping room. When you walked into the room from the kitchen to your left was a chair, that Ma Sina set out, and there was a window where she set, Next after the window was a wood stove, then another window, and setting by it was a sette (we call them love seats today.) If you turned and looked away from the windows was two full beds, with a space between that went into a bedroom in the back. The bedroom to the back was Grandma Sene's room. Going streight into this room, was her bed, and that is all I can remember about that room.

Entering this room about half way turn left was a door that went into the fourth room. This was the room where my sister and I were born. Sometime and I do not know when Daddy built a small room behind this on which was the kitchen. We had no running water or bathroom. I do remember going to the outhouse, and I have no memory of having a slop jar.

In our setting room was two beds, one for mother and daddy and one for me and my sister. Walking into the kitchen on the left was the stove and on he opposite wall was the sink. Looking right was the table, and the referigrator. I do have a memory of mother washing something in the sink. I also remember Pa bringing the fresh milked milk and wanting to drink it, but mother would not let me, because it had not been stringed yet. Stringed, is where you take a cloth and place it over jar and pour milk through, staining out anything that should not be in milk.

My only other memory was waking up one morning and looking under the pillor to see if the tooth fairy had left me money for my tooth. The tooth was gone but there was no money and I cried, and cried. Mother told me to search again and sure enough the money was there.

I can recall playing in the back yard when a ma chicken got after me. I just always seem to be in the yard playing. I remember Uncle Willie coming to see his brother my Pa and them setting under the shade tree talking. He was always talking about church and getting kicked out ( I still have this visual picture of him being litteraly being picket up and I see a foot kicking him out) and I always felt sorry for him. I also remember him talking about the end of time and how he knew based on his knowledge of the Bible that the world would end and I figured it up and I would be 34.

I do remember years later she was at the sink doing something and she saw a snake and called out the back door for me to go get Johnny to come help. I did not hang around to see it they got it out.


Thursday, February 4, 2010

Angel on your shoulder

New post over at Footsteps of a Prodigal

I keep going around in circles
Will this challenge never end?
Why do my trials repeat
Not much more can I withstand!
Then I call upon the heavens'
God's grace attemds as I pray.
The lesson becomes crystal
My thoughts do me betray.
I have expected to go in circles.
In my heart I did not believe.
That everything could be different
And my trials did I relive.
Now I will envision better paths
For my successful life tp tale.
In times I will expect the best and
A better lir3 my thoughts will make.
For as a man thinketh
In his heart of hearts is he.
God grants according to desire
What we expect will certainly be.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

How to be more mindful

One of the simplest ways to find happiness on a daily basis, in any situation, is through mindfulness. The first time I recall consciously practicing mindfulness was probably about five years or so ago when my cousin introduced me to the concept. She didn't label it mindfulness; she was simply trying to give me some advice on how to fall asleep. (This was a point in my life when I was constantly stressed and was taking quite a bit of Benedryl every night to get myself to sleep.Not healthy.) For whatever reason, I'm not the best at recalling details, but for some reason this memory sticks in my mind so vividly. My cousin and I were lying in her childhood bed at her parents house and she was explaining this amazing sleep-inducing tactic to me. It was simple enough, but it had never occurred to me before and I found it so enlightening. To this day, I still use it to fall asleep.

It goes like this: Instead of focusing on all of those thoughts rushing and racing through your mind at bedtime, focus on your five senses. As you're lying in bed, ask yourself, "What do I hear? What do I see (hopefully blackness because your eyes are closed)? What do i feel? What do I smell?" Perhaps this wouldn't work for everyone, but I swear, every time I try this technique I fall asleep. Now, it's important to think about these things in detail (which may be why it's a great exercise for me and wouldn't be so great for others. This tactic may not work for everyone, but it's certainly worth a shot.

And, of course, that lovely little intro leads me into today's topic:
mindfulness. According to Wikipedia (a quite credible source if I do say so myself!), mindfulness is "a mental state, characterized by concentrated awareness of one's thoughts, actions or motivations." Mindfulness is the idea of being aware of what is going on around you (and inside you). So often we go through life just going, going, going -- and we don't stop to look, touch, smell, listen, think. When we start becoming mindful of the world around us (and, trust me, this is not easy and in no way am I able to practice mindfulness as often as I would like), I begin to see things different. I understand, and appreciate, the world around me more. For example, I hate rain. HATE it. I also hate the cold. Today I woke to a cold, cloudy, rainy day a day of the gloom! I was unhappy. I was irritated. I was feeling that glum, gloom-ridden Eeyore attitude with every bone in my body. But then I reminded myself to be mindful. I started looking at the rain as it splattered on my car and I thought about how lucky I was not to be out in the rain. I thought about how much the rain looked like tears rolling down the windowpane; this was a sad thought, but it was a beautiful one as well. Sure, I still hate the rain and I long for the next sunny day, but being mindful of it made it a bit more bearable.

Being mindful is especially important when it involves -- surprise! surprise! -- your mind. It is so easy to have thoughts and to act and react without really thinking. I have to think about my thoughts in order to make them productive. Say, for example, I feel angry Larry. I choose to embrace that anger and yell at a coworker, who really has done nothing seriously wrong. Bad situation, right? Well, if I had chosen to take my anger and, instead of acting on it, thought about it, I may have reacted differently. It's easy to let a thought or emotion take over. It's easy to just say to myself "I'm angry." What's hard is being mindful of that feeling or thought. It's much more difficult to say to myself, "I'm angry because..." or, harder still, to ask myself, "What's really bothering me? What's really at the heart of this feeling?" Being mindful of of my mind is difficult. It causes mw to think about topics and emotions I may not want to think about. But, in my experience, it only makes things easier in the end.
I'm not always mindful of my thoughts and feelings (though I hope some day I will be able to be), but when I am I find that my actions are much more appropriate and, overall, I'm much happier. When I stop to think about what I'm feeling or thinking, I realize that it's not usually what it seems. There's usually more. It's usually complicated. And, yes, sometimes it's a pain in the ass to think about situations or feelings I don't feel like dealing with. But finding out what my feelings mean or thinking about why I'm thinking about a certain topic usually leads me to a greater understanding of myself, which only brings about more happiness in my life. Knowing me better means knowing the world better, something Ioften take for granted.
Mindfulness is not easy, but it's worth trying out -- even on the small things. It's important to be present, to be in the moment, and mindfulness is a tactic that makes life not only easier, but more interesting.


Dancing with my circumstances

Today is why not Wednesday
Why not notice the RICHES in my life
CAUGHT up in the effort to make money, I can forget to notice how rich I already am.
Today, I will will be aware of the many valuable things I have are.
Who are the people who love me and give my life meaning?
What aspects of my life creates fun and adventure?
As I remember all the riches of my life,
I will see how wealthy I really am.
Treasures are everywhere.
Today I am going to notice hidden treasures.
Maybe ot wo;; be an old man's joy while he retrieves a ball from the street
for some yound children or savoring the taste of an ice-cream cone.
By seeing the small treasures of life.
I will receive their riches.
To love and be loved are priceless treasures.
Today, I will see what loving and being loved do for me.
How do my expressions of love for others nourish them?
How does experiencing the love of others nourish me?
By noticing the gifts of love.
I will see how rich I am.
We can suffer because others do not fulfill our desires and expectations.
Today, I will discover how my desires and espectations make me disappointed with life.
I will recognize that by wanting life to be a certain way.
I create my own suffering by resisting what is.
Instead of resisting today,
I will dance with my circumstances.


Monday, February 1, 2010

Monday Febuary 1, 2010

Today has been just one of those days where I do not want to do anything
I have been searching the computer for things to read.

I had a relaxing week end at mother's she is weak and we are having to help her to the bathroom, she has had a few miss haps this week. Mark and I did go get groceries and that is about all we did. Mother would send me to the store for sandwiches. I went Sunday and got fried chicken from Jack's. I cleaned the house before leaving. I came home to find PJ (our dog) sick, she was throwing up everywhere. She is 12 years and it want be long before she goes to dog heaven. In the mean time we will love and take care of her.